Initiating a Path

“路是人踏出来的…” – Lu Xun, Father of Chinese Modern Literature.

The quote simply says that ‘A person initiates his/her own path’. I may not be able to translate it in a more beautiful phrase but it has been resonating in the back of my mind since I was a teenager.

When I was a teenager, I always have a feeling that something is lacking in my life. I was on a lookout for an answer which I couldn’t get and sometimes (or most of the time) I delved to those motivational or self help books in a quest to understand what is happening to me.

When I was in my junior high, I was introduced to Lu Xun and his works. Initially, I wasn’t paying any attention to his work. Back then, his short stories were being read to pass the exam as his works are the ‘in’ topic. However, there was one day, when I leisurely read one of many Lu Xun works that I came across the quote – ‘A person initiates his/her own path’. I was pretty sure I was depressed that time and looking for something to boost my spirit and that quote came at the right time.

I might be experiencing the same feeling that I had then that the quote keeps on echoing in my head even when I sleep. Initiating and choosing a path is definitely not an easy task to do… so, I wish myself all the best luck in the world!

The Taste of Overly Bitter Chocolate

Lately I feel like crying. It wasn’t a thought and I was crying a lot for a matter of fact.

It is all started in 10 March 2009 when our chairman announced that the company have to retrench certain number of people due to the economic crisis. Following the announcement, came the judgement day on Friday, 13 March 2009. Every tortured soul in the company can’t help to relate the bleakest of Friday the 13^th to the current situation that they were facing.

On the judgment day, we saw one by one of our colleagues were being called into the conference room. They were briefed and given out letter to note the notice period that they have to serve.

I was the last person to be called for the day. When I was walking towards the conference room, I bumped into my boss who was going out from the room. He saw me and making his way back to the room again. I took a seat and waited for the Human Resource lady to join. I thought I’d be seeing files and letter but there was none. The table was clear. I was anxious. I don’t know what to expect. Then the lady came into the room, the ordeal starts.

"Well, I believe you knew what happened to our company already… I’m giving you the option to stay until mid or end May to help up with the annual report. Do you agree with it?" Boss asked. I nodded subconsciously. "How long is the duration to finish up the annual report?" I asked to get some indication of my last day.

"I have to ask your senior. She will prepare the timeline. I want to let you know that we were forced to take this step as the company is struggling and we hope that you could understand our situation." My Boss explained further. "Yes, and I expected it already. When you informed us the company is closing the Hong Kong office end of last year, I know that there would be nothing to stop you from doing the same to Kuala Lumpur office, so as the plummeting of the company shares, it is an indication. Moreover, it was in the news the economic storm will be hitting our shore until 2012." I just can’t shut my mouth!

"The shares have been in bottom end of the Bursa for a long time already. But, the 2012 is only a theoretical. Maybe we have brighter days in another 2 months." he is trying to be more optimistic. I’m not quite sure whether he meant what he says. "Anyway, may I know specifically until when is my tenure? Honestly, I have to start looking for new opportunity and I want to brief my future employer about it." I want a confirmation.

"If that’s the case, we will extend your probation until end of May and you may inform your future employer that you will start work in June. I also want to thank you for doing a great job with the writings that you have done for the company." He finally said it. I am not expecting the praise but I really appreciate it.

We ended our conversation with the mutual understanding that my tenure will end in May and I will be receiving a letter noting the notice period that I have to serve. When I walked out from the room and from the corner of my eyes, I saw the HR lady taking a deep breath and she looked at the empty space with troubled eyes.

About 2 weeks after the judgement day and on 28 March, when I was flipping the newspaper, I saw an article citing about companies which are falling from grace and the company that I’m working with is one of them. Apparently, the company has been having profitless years since the inception of its 3^rd plant.

After the judgement day, I was devastated. I was questioning myself why does it happen to me. I recalled the day when I took the job; the company wasn’t an ideal place that I longed for. I was switching industry; from the most hedonism world, to a more tolerable environment. The only advantage is the boss allows me to broaden my ability and enhance my skills and portfolio. I found truth in one of Forrest Gump’s famous quote, “Life was like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get”. The box of chocolate that I am holding now has the bitterest chocolate that I have ever tasted with only a tiny, VERY TINY tinge of sweetness inside.

The bitterness has certainly cluttering my mind for number of days. Until a day, when I was joking about the retrenchment with 1 of my colleague, she mentioned that the other day on the radio, the DJ said that instead of whining about the bad situation, we could pull it through by reversing the way we are thinking. So, instead of saying, “I feel so ‘sien’”, we should change it to “It’s a good thing that it is happening.” By being more optimistic, we are not only uplifting our spirit, we are helping ourselves to bracing and riding the economic storm.

It is not easy but I will try hard to survive. If I had done it before, I can do it now. The first thing to do is I have to put the past behind me before I can move on.