Complexity

Kadangkala manusia memang kompleks, diorang suka buat andaian & prejudis dalam sesuatu perkara atau orang lain tanpa kaji selidik. Prasangka diorang tu, secara tak langsung & tak diorang sedar menghalang tindak tanduk dan membantutkan sesuatu yang positif. Anyway, that’s life.

I’m trying not to write a sequel to your blog but it’s very, I mean VERY, inevitable. 7 days after that fateful event, I still wonder, whether I’m hallucinating or I’ve really done it. I think my body & mind is adjusting to the life of staying at home and focusing on my coming wedding but it can’t get away from thinking of the past. It’s traumatizing.

For apparent reasons, flashes of the past keep haunting me. It’s testing my conscience. It’s making me hard to sleep at night. Unfortunately, I’m not thinking about him nor his actions, words, anger or DRAMA but it’s you, Maman and Fareeq. They are the good people who are trapped in that place. I’ve been thinking hard how I’d going to save you, without causing starvation or lack of financial, but I can’t think of any. At this stage, I feel helpless. I feel guilty of leaving you when things are all messed up. I wish I could stay longer but I can’t.

I hope you could forgive me for leaving VERY abruptly, that place is becoming INTOLERABLE to me (and you too!). How I’d missed the late lunches, Murni sessions, your sarcasms, kereta rosak tengah jalan (haiii, sapa nak tolong ko pas ni… kalau tak setiap kali kete ko rosak aku ada nyer lah!), sleep over at your place (lama tak buat ni since ada Shahril), working like hogs, having GOOD son like Maman and many more… terlalu banyak sampai tak boleh nak ingat satu persatu…

The only thing that makes me happy is I end it well, REAL well. And, I think I should’ve done it earlier, leaving all bangsats with their ego; but the only thing that stops me is the thought of leaving you, it’s unbearable.

Thank you for being a good friend, for sharing all laughter and tears. Aku akan ingat setiap memori yg kita buat sama-sama and I do hope we could do it again in near future, InsyaAllah.