when somebody has to go but they are much needed

last saturday, as i was trying to finish my script, the B approached and talked to me. he said he has to drop somebody... obviously, i was shocked. i have the instinct before but i dont want to think about it as if it wont happened, cause i know who has to go...

i feel sad... i tried to talk to him that the person is a good one. been helping me a lot coz i cant do everything all by myself. for me, we are a team. i cant afford to loose a good one. i told him, dropping somebody wont solve the problems. and, the person is a newcomer in this field.

when people first joined this field, it is really hard for them to focus which direction to go and who they can trust. i believe in a year or so, when they have found their way these newcomers will have their very own character and the generation that will move this field. i was one of them before. i trusted persons who cant be trusted at all... i did lots of mistakes and even worse, i gave up and do something else for i tot this field is not for me.

for years, i've been complaining that i never had the chances to work in this field. i blamed everybody but not myself. i was afraid... i afraid that i cant do the best. the perfectionism is killing me each day... i cant forgive myself for the mistakes that i'v done even it was years before. for me, its like yesterday. it haunting my dreams, makes my body ache and my emotion is not stable... i became a monster.

late last year, when the contract with prev co. was not been renewed.. i was thinking hard. should i give myself a chance or give up for the rest of my life. that's when i decided that i need to dive and do the best. dont think of the consequences and never bother with the mistakes. that's where i am today...

i can see the direction that i wish to go... but i know i have limited time to reach it all. i cant predict the future but i'll do the best for today and tomorrows. the thing that i cant be sure for now is, can i sacrifice what i have for love?

for that person, i will try my best not to let you go. i can see the potential in the person. this field is so complicated. everybody is a psycho. like what i have told you before, "in this field everybody is the entertainer, setiap org tu ada perangai yg 'menjelikkan'. see beyond what you can see... if i cant help you, i wish all the best luck in this world. for you are a person that will soar when the time come. God bless you...