The Innocence Story

What?! Status Pending...?

2009-05-08T15:51:00.005+08:00

Well, i was supposed to be retrenched by the company that I am working for now.. BUT...

This is the email I sent to both GM and HR manager -->

Dear both,

Sorry for interrupting your busy schedule. Anyway, I believe I need clarification from both sides as it has become a ‘he said she said’ situation.

Let’s jog our memory with the sequence of event,

10 March 2009
Announcement of Retrenchment by Dato’ Momo San. The list of retrenchment is given on 13 March 2009.

13 March 2009
Was informed by Mr Sticky that ‘they’ (should be referring to Mr Sticky and Puan Zorra who were in the same room) haven’t come to a conclusion either to retrench Ms Tina together with 1st batch (service ended 10 and 12 April respectively) or to retrench later as her service is still needed in order to work on Annual Report as Ms Sannie’s requested.

It was on mutual agreement that Ms Tina would extend her tenure until mid or end May to assist in the completion of Annual Report. During which, Pn Zorra did mention that Ms Tina will be given 1 month notice prior to the retrenchment, which the notice will be given in April.

25 March 2009
An email was sent to Pn. Zorra requesting for the notice letter and at the same time sending the form from Jabatan Tenaga Kerja.

Was informed by Pn Zorra that she couldn’t provide the letter as Ms Tina is not serving the notice period yet, at the same time, was informed that the probation period will be extended and notice will be given in April.

* refer to attached email dated 25 March 2009

25 March 2009
Jabatan Tenaga Kerja (KL branch) has just confirmed in receiving the retrenchment list from MIECO on 25 March 2009. Total number of employees affected 17, 15 females and 2 males. The confirmed list of names has yet to be provided to the department.

31 March 2009
An email was sent to Pn Zorra by Ms Sannie regarding Ms Tina status. And again, was informed that Ms Tina will be compensate based on retrenchment package and the timing is delayed due to annual report activities.

* refer to attached email dated 31 March 2009

1 April 2009
Ms Sannie tendered her resignation.

7 April 2009
Ms Tina received letter to extend her probation period and stated that the status will be reviewed by Middle of April.

24 April 2009
After not receiving any feedback by middle of April, another email was sent to Pn. Zorra regarding Ms Tina status, as she felt that there would be a twist of event with the resignation of Ms Sannie.

Pn Zorra has called Ms Lina and informed her that her last working day is pending for Mr Sticky’s decision. However, Pn Zorra will consult Mr Sticky when she sees him in Kuantan.

* Sequence from email dated 25 March 2009.

30 April 2009
Received email from Pn. Zorra that Mr Sticky would discuss Ms Tina’s status.

8 May 2009
Ms Tina discussion with Mr Sticky and phone conversation with Pn. Zorra.

Based on the sequence of event, I believe you would have ample time to inform me whether the retrenchment package is either valid or void, considering the circumstance that arises. Even if I was on medical leave, I believe there are 19 working days in April that you’d be able to contact me whenever I’m in the office.

I am aware that I am under probation and am not able to expect much from M or may not qualify for the retrenchment package. I would like to highlight that there are other employees who are still under probation and just worked for 2 or 3 months that were being retrenched. So the notion that I am not qualify for the retrenchment is overstated.

However, the thing that upset me most is the non-communication even when you have already knew the situation, which is very ironic for me as I am in the communication department. A drop of email or phone call would suffice if time is crucial for a face to face discussion.

I am looking forward for a better explanation from you.

--------------------------------------

1. I hope I wouldn't sound very harsh
2. I want them to release me
3. I don't care about the retrenchment package anymore

Initiating a Path

2009-04-23T12:17:00.000+08:00

“路是人踏出来的…” – Lu Xun, Father of Chinese Modern Literature.

The quote simply says that ‘A person initiates his/her own path’. I may not be able to translate it in a more beautiful phrase but it has been resonating in the back of my mind since I was a teenager.

When I was a teenager, I always have a feeling that something is lacking in my life. I was on a lookout for an answer which I couldn’t get and sometimes (or most of the time) I delved to those motivational or self help books in a quest to understand what is happening to me.

When I was in my junior high, I was introduced to Lu Xun and his works. Initially, I wasn’t paying any attention to his work. Back then, his short stories were being read to pass the exam as his works are the ‘in’ topic. However, there was one day, when I leisurely read one of many Lu Xun works that I came across the quote – ‘A person initiates his/her own path’. I was pretty sure I was depressed that time and looking for something to boost my spirit and that quote came at the right time.

I might be experiencing the same feeling that I had then that the quote keeps on echoing in my head even when I sleep. Initiating and choosing a path is definitely not an easy task to do… so, I wish myself all the best luck in the world!

The Taste of Overly Bitter Chocolate

2009-04-14T12:57:00.003+08:00

Lately I feel like crying. It wasn’t a thought and I was crying a lot for a matter of fact.

It is all started in 10 March 2009 when our chairman announced that the company have to retrench certain number of people due to the economic crisis. Following the announcement, came the judgement day on Friday, 13 March 2009. Every tortured soul in the company can’t help to relate the bleakest of Friday the 13^th to the current situation that they were facing.

On the judgment day, we saw one by one of our colleagues were being called into the conference room. They were briefed and given out letter to note the notice period that they have to serve.

I was the last person to be called for the day. When I was walking towards the conference room, I bumped into my boss who was going out from the room. He saw me and making his way back to the room again. I took a seat and waited for the Human Resource lady to join. I thought I’d be seeing files and letter but there was none. The table was clear. I was anxious. I don’t know what to expect. Then the lady came into the room, the ordeal starts.

"Well, I believe you knew what happened to our company already… I’m giving you the option to stay until mid or end May to help up with the annual report. Do you agree with it?" Boss asked. I nodded subconsciously. "How long is the duration to finish up the annual report?" I asked to get some indication of my last day.

"I have to ask your senior. She will prepare the timeline. I want to let you know that we were forced to take this step as the company is struggling and we hope that you could understand our situation." My Boss explained further. "Yes, and I expected it already. When you informed us the company is closing the Hong Kong office end of last year, I know that there would be nothing to stop you from doing the same to Kuala Lumpur office, so as the plummeting of the company shares, it is an indication. Moreover, it was in the news the economic storm will be hitting our shore until 2012." I just can’t shut my mouth!

"The shares have been in bottom end of the Bursa for a long time already. But, the 2012 is only a theoretical. Maybe we have brighter days in another 2 months." he is trying to be more optimistic. I’m not quite sure whether he meant what he says. "Anyway, may I know specifically until when is my tenure? Honestly, I have to start looking for new opportunity and I want to brief my future employer about it." I want a confirmation.

"If that’s the case, we will extend your probation until end of May and you may inform your future employer that you will start work in June. I also want to thank you for doing a great job with the writings that you have done for the company." He finally said it. I am not expecting the praise but I really appreciate it.

We ended our conversation with the mutual understanding that my tenure will end in May and I will be receiving a letter noting the notice period that I have to serve. When I walked out from the room and from the corner of my eyes, I saw the HR lady taking a deep breath and she looked at the empty space with troubled eyes.

About 2 weeks after the judgement day and on 28 March, when I was flipping the newspaper, I saw an article citing about companies which are falling from grace and the company that I’m working with is one of them. Apparently, the company has been having profitless years since the inception of its 3^rd plant.

After the judgement day, I was devastated. I was questioning myself why does it happen to me. I recalled the day when I took the job; the company wasn’t an ideal place that I longed for. I was switching industry; from the most hedonism world, to a more tolerable environment. The only advantage is the boss allows me to broaden my ability and enhance my skills and portfolio. I found truth in one of Forrest Gump’s famous quote, “Life was like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get”. The box of chocolate that I am holding now has the bitterest chocolate that I have ever tasted with only a tiny, VERY TINY tinge of sweetness inside.

The bitterness has certainly cluttering my mind for number of days. Until a day, when I was joking about the retrenchment with 1 of my colleague, she mentioned that the other day on the radio, the DJ said that instead of whining about the bad situation, we could pull it through by reversing the way we are thinking. So, instead of saying, “I feel so ‘sien’”, we should change it to “It’s a good thing that it is happening.” By being more optimistic, we are not only uplifting our spirit, we are helping ourselves to bracing and riding the economic storm.

It is not easy but I will try hard to survive. If I had done it before, I can do it now. The first thing to do is I have to put the past behind me before I can move on.

Life and Its Many Turns

2008-11-28T17:35:00.000+08:00

I received a phone call from Adeline’s mum this morning. I was shocked. No, Adeline is not dead… she might not be the same person that I used to know and now she’s living in solitude, not wanting to have any contact with friends or family. The reason why she hasn’t deleted mine because my husband and I haven’t make the effort to pick up our wedding gift which she couriered to her mum’s place a year ago.

I knew Adeline during my university days; we were classmates. Not many people like her, as she is very opinionated, very petty and arrogant. So, it was understandable if most of my Malaysian classmates were trying their best to avoid her. I didn’t think her as scary as what other people might describe her; they just can’t accept that Adeline is a bit different. I always found her as one of the most helpful and cheerful person, prone to buy branded stuff and love to travel. She stayed with me for couple of months before I left New Zealand for good. We even went to Waiheke Island for sun bathe which unfortunate for me because my skin is not prone to tanning.

I think things started to change when she broke up with her Taiwanese boyfriend of two or three years. She loved him so much that it affects her a little. Adeline is a Buddhist and that event has made her becoming more pious. A year later, she has becoming a vegan. When we last met her, she said she never want to get married and think of the possibility to become a Buddhist nun, which by then, I never thought she really means it.

So when I received that phone call, I went blank.

Adeline’s mum confirmed that she has left for Taiwan to study Buddhism; Adeline has made it clear to her mum during her short stint in June. She deleted all her friends’ contacts so that she can concentrate on her study. The only setback is that she has not contacted her mum since she left and there is no way the mother can contact her as she never leave any numbers or her whereabouts. Her mum is worry about her and it’s heart breaking to see her only daughter treating her like that.

I have nothing against her religion and the path she has chosen but I feel sorry for her mum. She single-handedly raised Adeline and her brother. Her dreams are to have many grandchildren and live happily with all of them. Unfortunately, I could see one of her dreams has shattered.

Say NO to cellulite

2008-10-28T14:40:00.016+08:00

Couple of days ago, I was trying to write something related to the festive season and its celebration. However, every time I hit the keyboards - the idea flew out of my 30th floor office window. I have been forcing myself to write about it and even dreamt it at night. Today, after having long weekend, I trashed the idea, as my mind was boggling with something more edgy to me, which is cellulite.

Cellulite is a common among women; it is not new. I have cellulite and it is not cool at all! I used to be skinny when I was in high school; I weighed about 43 kg and my height is about 1.58 m. I started to put on weight during my college years, which I gained 5 kg on my 1st year and it stays moderately until now. Unfortunately, my body weight also easily fluctuate and it is very much depending on the stress and busy level of my work or study.

I started to put on a lot when I was studying in Auckland, one of my best moments in life. I was VERY happy and I love the live and study environment during my stay. I think HAPPY factors were indeed boosting my appetite and add extra (6) kilos to my weight. Things started to change when I came back to Malaysia and started working.

One of my temp jobs when I came back was working as a video editor in a small-sized multimedia company. The job required me to work extremely long hours and most of the time I hardly see the day at all. Normally, I would spend 1 to 2 weeks in my office, sleeping under the table. Not to mention the time needed to travel to work; my mum had to send me to nearest Komuter train station at 6:30 or 7 in the morning, from then I will ride to KL Sentral and take Putra LRT to Ampang Park station, upon reaching the station I will take taxi to Menara RHB in Jalan Tun Razak and then walked to my office in Jalan Inai. I weighed 42 kg; I looked terribly skinny and pale. I thought I’d have better days when I moved to other company, but it didn’t change much.

After traumatic experience with my previous company, I worked for a government-linked agency. The job wasn’t too hectic but the pay was extremely low; I was supposed to be their contract staff but the HR dept. put me under ‘temp’. In order to make ends meet, I had to do freelance job as a voice over (VO) actor for a courseware company. 2 to 3 times a week and after working hours, I will travel from Petaling Jaya to Bandar Tasik Selatan by train and walked approximately 1.5 to 2 km to the courseware company and when I am done with the VO, I had to walked the same length to train station and take train to Subang Jaya station and where my mum will pick me up. Another tiring year and my body suffers. So right after my temps contract ended, I braced up for another job.

The new job I had was very exciting. I love every bit of it. The downside is the company has high staff turnover, thanks to the short-tempered boss. There was one time I had to handle a project all by myself, and due to my extremely hectic schedule I was once hospitalised for acute gastritis. There were also the times that I put on a little when projects were low. When I left the job 3 weeks prior to my wedding, I just realised the height of my exhaustion and it shows on my skin.

During my marriage I ‘realised’ the unsightly cellulite on my thighs and buttocks, even though my hubby is not making a big fuss out of it – his ‘cellulite’ is worse than mine and he has stretch marks as well! – I think I have to do something about it, so that my hubby will find me extremely DESIRABLE and DELICIOUS. So one day, when we were watching ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ and E! on Janice Dickinson, who underwent cellulite treatment using VelaShape, It strikes me! I want to have that treatment as well. VelaShape is a treatment using non-surgical device to minimise cellulite. Unfortunately, living in Malaysia has it downside, the treatment is not here yet and if it does, it will cost an atomic bomb.

I wasn’t searching for anti-cellulite cream in particular when I was browsed through acmamall.com for beauty products. I just discovered that they not only sell cosmetics, they also have anti-cellulite creams. While I was searching the information and ingredients for one of their featured products, I came across another cellulite related website which had done review for couple anti-cellulite products. And, I am very happy that the one I am planning to buy, Oligo-Dx, ranked number 3 for top 15 cellulite products!

So, watch out cellulite, you will disappear in no time!

Girls, please watch your weight and lifestyle so you'll keep cellulite at bay not your tights or buttom!

The website has list of top 15 anti-cellulite products

Oligo-Dx, ranked number 3 for ant-cellulite products, the one that I am planning to buy. For Malaysian - the item is available through acmamall.com

Ranked 1st for anti-cellulite products. Only available on globalnutritioncenter.com

the place where you can buy range of beauty products online, such as cosmetics range, anti-cellulite products and etc. They offer free shipping for Malaysia and Singapore customers

Changing Mobile Network Provider

2008-10-18T11:24:00.012+08:00

Starting from 15 November 2008, Malaysians can say ‘Hoooorray!’. The day is finally here. With minimum MYR25, we can switch to another mobile network provider without having to change our current phone number.

For me, changing phone number when you decided to switch to another mobile network provider (MNP) can prove to be a hassle. I am working in communication industry where I have to be in constant contact with my bosses, colleagues, vendors, designers, suppliers and like-minded friends – Also, my family. What IF, I decided to change my number and forget to inform those people… then I’ll definitely be receiving numerous calls yelling and swearing at me. It is because of thousand of reasons that I can think of that deter me from changing my phone number. However, I am facing a little problem with my current MNP.

My current MNP is a conglomerate, which not only provides mobile network service; they own satellite TV station. Basically, I am the subscriber of both. I have nothing to complaint about their mobile network services before as I was happily using it for years. Unfortunately, things started to change when I got married and move to live with my hubby. The network coverage is SO BAD; if we want to make or receive calls, we have to make sure that we are standing at specific locations so that the coverage will not be interrupted. Those locations could be inside my room, outside our house and rooms upstairs; other than that, the coverage will be breaking up and we can hardly talk. From January to June this year, I have made 3 complaints to inform the situation, but their customer service answers and suggestions are very disappointing, such as:

“Ms. Innocence, can you check with your neighbours, within 400 meters radius, whether they are having the same problem? IF they are experiencing the same problem then you can alert us again.” – of which I did and made 2nd call to their customer service couple of days later.

“Ms. Innocence, is there any building that was built nearby your neighbourhood? We believe it may obstruct the coverage. Oh, you are living at residential area… Could you check is there any other MNP satellite tower nearby which may obstruct the coverage” – I did go and look around my neighbourhood including the shop rows. I was not too sure and few months later (I was busy with jobs then), I made another call.

“We think it is the structure of your house that obstructing the coverage.” – What?! So when I asked them what should I do, they kept repeating the same. I was pissed and said, “So, you are telling me that I have to demolish my house and rebuilt it according to your network coverage then it’ll solve the problem?” *slap forehead*

The last call made to the customer service was my last straw. It is intolerable but I keep on using the service because I don’t want to simply change my number. Patiently, this day is finally here. I am VERY happy. My only problem now, which MNP to choose? *Scratch head*

My friend switch to this MNP, yet to receive his feedback

My hubby wants us to switch to this MNP, they also giving out free blackberry when you swith to their network but as usual - you have to scrutinise their terms and conditions.

My current MNP

finding cheapest airfare?

2008-10-16T15:03:00.004+08:00

I love to travel but my only problem is my parents won’t allow me to travel on my own. The only place I’ve been without being accompanied by anyone was when I went for my study in Auckland and another trip to Auckland to meet my then boyfriend - you wouldn’t want to know how I coax my mom into my scam, other than that is a big NO. So, now that I’m married, I still wouldn’t have the chance to travel alone, but I do have chance to dig my hubby’s gold and spend it on our vacation - not much that I can dig but it is worthy and again, you wouldn’t want to know how I convince him.

After we secured our 1st vacation plan, now I am starting to scour places for our next vacation. Yes, we haven’t go for our 1st vacation yet because it is schedule in June 2009. Well, it is no harm in ‘researching’ for places though. And using that well researched materials; I would be able to convince my hubby for the next one even though financially we may not be able to afford it.

I am well aware that money is our big issue; we have to plan carefully and save every dime that we have. It doesn’t matter though as long as I get to go out of our so-called home for couple of days. I am dying to travel, “Hijrah ialah salah satu cara untuk menghilangkan kesedihan”, it’s my way to unwind. Scouring for affordable flight tickets is not easy to come by, but while googling, I stumble across this website that have a feature where you can compare flight ticket with various airlines.

The website is http://www.skyscanner.net/. I remember long time ago I visited the website but then I didn’t think that it has helped me much, but now, I love it!

Anyone wants to travel and cross check with other airlines for cheapest fare? Look no further, you can get it at skyscanner!

who doesn't want free handbag?!

2008-10-10T14:44:00.003+08:00

Well, I was given this link to a website which will be giving away free handbag. I know my chances may be slim but i cant help it! I need new handbag, not buy one but free one!

this is the link to their site:
http://www.handbagplanet.com/

Good luck guys!

Complexity

2007-11-25T00:27:00.000+08:00

Kadangkala manusia memang kompleks, diorang suka buat andaian & prejudis dalam sesuatu perkara atau orang lain tanpa kaji selidik. Prasangka diorang tu, secara tak langsung & tak diorang sedar menghalang tindak tanduk dan membantutkan sesuatu yang positif. Anyway, that’s life.

I’m trying not to write a sequel to your blog but it’s very, I mean VERY, inevitable. 7 days after that fateful event, I still wonder, whether I’m hallucinating or I’ve really done it. I think my body & mind is adjusting to the life of staying at home and focusing on my coming wedding but it can’t get away from thinking of the past. It’s traumatizing.

For apparent reasons, flashes of the past keep haunting me. It’s testing my conscience. It’s making me hard to sleep at night. Unfortunately, I’m not thinking about him nor his actions, words, anger or DRAMA but it’s you, Maman and Fareeq. They are the good people who are trapped in that place. I’ve been thinking hard how I’d going to save you, without causing starvation or lack of financial, but I can’t think of any. At this stage, I feel helpless. I feel guilty of leaving you when things are all messed up. I wish I could stay longer but I can’t.

I hope you could forgive me for leaving VERY abruptly, that place is becoming INTOLERABLE to me (and you too!). How I’d missed the late lunches, Murni sessions, your sarcasms, kereta rosak tengah jalan (haiii, sapa nak tolong ko pas ni… kalau tak setiap kali kete ko rosak aku ada nyer lah!), sleep over at your place (lama tak buat ni since ada Shahril), working like hogs, having GOOD son like Maman and many more… terlalu banyak sampai tak boleh nak ingat satu persatu…

The only thing that makes me happy is I end it well, REAL well. And, I think I should’ve done it earlier, leaving all bangsats with their ego; but the only thing that stops me is the thought of leaving you, it’s unbearable.

Thank you for being a good friend, for sharing all laughter and tears. Aku akan ingat setiap memori yg kita buat sama-sama and I do hope we could do it again in near future, InsyaAllah.

hari yang mendatang

2007-09-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

hari yang mendatang

entah apa kan jadinya

terlalu leka

hari yang mendatang

entah mengapa

tidak keruan rasanya

hari yang mendatang

di manakah sinarnya

makin hilang arahnya

hari yang mendatang

di mana bahagianya

terkapai-kapai

hari yang mendatang

di manakah kekuatannya

masih dalam carian

Yang bahagia-bahagia sahaja**

2007-07-02T19:21:00.000+08:00

Kalau nak ikutkan hati, memang dah tak nak datang ofis. Tak jumpa alasan kenapa perlu datang ofis, keperluan atau terpaksa. Terpaksa sebenarnya. Mungkin sebab aku dah tak jumpa apa yang membuatkan hidup ni maju ke depan. Stagnant. Benci aku dengan perkataan tu. Tak, aku tak sepatutnya merasa stagnant. Bila lihat yang aku buat sekarang ni, terlalu klisekah? Bak kata Kariya Jin dalam Bleach, hidup sebagai Bount bagaikan satu putaran, ia takkan berhenti berputar kecuali diri ini sendiri yang memberhentikannya. Tak, aku bukan Bount yang hidup beribu tahun, tapi aku rasakan akhir-akhir ni masa berlalu terlalu perlahan, sampai aku rasa aku perlu habiskan secepat mungkin. Petandanya sudah tiba. Lyn, rehat. Tak perlu lagi memaksa diri menyeksa jiwa. Masanya telah tiba.

Mungkin pilihan terbaik untuk aku bila waktu-waktu macam ni, untuk tinggalkan tempat ni. Persoalannya, adakah tempat yang lagi baik dari ini? Kita sama Elly. Cuma aku tak nak luahkan. Aku terlalu complacent sampai lupa niat untuk jadi lagi competitive. Life is about making the right choices. Betul, tapi macam mana kita nak tau yang pilihan kita tu betul kalau kita tak tahu yang mana betul dan yang mana salah. Blame it on conscience. Betul. Saranan aku biasanya, love your enemy; without them you’d have nobody to blame but yourself. Persoalannya, sampai bila mau menyayang musuh, bila benci dah menular ke dalam diri...

Bagaimana nak mencari yang bahagia-bahagia sahaja ketika ini? Persoalannya, aku terlalu banyak persoalan! Darn! It's totally not an easy thing to deal with me! I feel you Elly.

** Arghh... penatnya bergaduh dengan diri sendiri!

** pinjam quote ini ya Fareeq!

Rajin

2007-05-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

Last month, my mum decided to renovate the rooms, after bearing with sandy and rough surfaced floor for over 2 years. I think, if it’s not because of my wedding is coming soon, we can’t be bothered with the flooring.

So, we have to move our stuff and put everything at the living room. The renovation took longer than we’d expected. The 1st contractor who’d done the flooring didn’t finish it up because he’s workers doesn’t want to work anymore. Mum had to hired different contractor to finish up the flooring. It took almost a month before we can move back to our rooms.

Well, when it was all done. I didn’t quickly move my stuff back in my room. Aku biarkan quarter in the living room. After 2 days, only my monitor left kat luar, yang lain dibawa masuk ke bilik aku secara magic**. Then, after 5 days, semua barang-barang aku sekali lagi dibawa masuk ke bilik aku secara magic**.

Lepas tu, walaupun barang-barang aku da dalam bilik. Aku tak buat apa2 pun. Aku letak semua baju2 kat atas katil, tinggalkan 1 portion utk aku tidur dan barang-barang yang selainnya, terbiar merata-rata.

Hari ini, lepas sebulan aku biarkan barang-barang aku merata, aku kemas 1 portion dari baju-baju aku & basuh beg aku. Aku kemas barang-barang tu sebab Kak Lun was lepaking in my room and I have no place to neither sit nor stand.

Kak Lun was watching me doing my stuff and suddenly she said, “Kau ni rajin la… da kemas-kemas baju kau, lepas tu kau boleh basuh pulak beg kau.”

Untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup aku, kakak aku kata aku rajin. RAJIN. I repeat, RAJIN. I’m not sure whether it’s a compliment or sarcasm. But, I can feel sincerity in her voice. Heheh… it makes me love her more.

As you know, I’m not kind of person who likes to tidy up my place. And before, it took me almost 3 months to organize everything in my room. Whenever people said I’m in total mess, I’d brush it aside and defensively say I know where my stuff is and I called it “organized mess”**, but now, Kak Lun in on my side. She understands my “organized mess” concept!

Thanks Kak Lun for your understanding. For Jaja & Elly who was lucky enough to sleep over at my place, you may come again no matter how messy is my room because I’ll be extra RAJIN when you come over.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Magic** - when I purposely tak angkat barang masuk bilik aku, mak & maid will angkut everything masuk bilik aku without complaining.

Organized mess** - your place is worst than shipwrecked but only you know where to find and get your stuff in the piling baju, books or anything. You know the exact location of each item that you were looking at. It is a good ground for argument when you are in denial that you’re in total chaos.

** P/s: I won’t post pictures of my room. I don’t want Dear to know the intensity of my “organized mess”. Otherwise, he won’t marry me for sure.

the power of non-violence

2007-04-02T18:12:00.000+08:00

Dr Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi & founder of the M K Gandhi Institute for Non-violence, in his June 9 lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story:

I was 16 years old & living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, S Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country & had no neighbours, so my 2 sisters & I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, & I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list ofgroceries she needed &, since I had all day in town, my father asked me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, "I will meet you here at 5 pm, & we will go home together."

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 530 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage & got the car & hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 600.

He anxiously asked me, "Why were you late?"

I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, "The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait," not realizing that he had already called the garage.

When he caught me in the lie, he said: "There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles & think about it."

So, dressed in his suit & dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads.

I couldn't leave him, so for 5 1/2 hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then & there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode & wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment & gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday.

That is the power of non-violence.

Lonely

2007-03-16T18:15:00.000+08:00

I’ve to admit, I’m lonely. It’s something I can’t utter in front of friends or family. The only being which I’d tell them how lonely I am is my cats. I remembered there were days when I can’t confide to anyone but my cats.

Sometimes, I think some people ripped everything from me. They took my happiness, contentment and deteriorate my confidence. Sad but true, my dad is one of them.

Anyway, I can’t wait for my apartment to be ready in July/August. At least, I’ll be having a time for myself then. Yes, I’m getting married soon but does it ends the heartache that I’m feeling inside? No, not at all…

What a life…

Majlis suai kenal Elly & Zafuan

2007-02-21T17:16:00.000+08:00

Tak rasa Elly akan tulis benda ni kat blog dia. Yelah, blog dia kat friendster, once dia update blog, segerombolan member2 kat friendster tau. Hehehe! So i’ve more freedom to write. Cian Elly... terpaksa menyimpan perasaan di dalam hati. Terseksakah jiwa dan raganya? Lantak kau la Elly... tapi yang ni Elly member aku tau, bukan yang perempuan mencari cinta tu. Walau ‘ironically’nya, Elly pon mencari cinta juga, cuma tak dijadikan program realiti.

Tak tahulah macam mana mulanya, tapi aku ingat ada satu hari tu Elly pernah tanya kat aku, ada tak member-member Radzeal yang masih single. Jadi aku tanya kat Dear ada ke tak member-member dia yang single boleh dikenal-kenalkan kat Elly. Dear ni biasanya tak serious sangat; masa awal-awal tu dia kata kawan-kawa dia yang masih single semuanya ‘kaki’*. Dear suruh aku tanya kat Elly, dia nak ke mamat-mamat ‘kaki’* ni. Hilang akal apa boyfriend aku ni! So lepas tu, benda ni hilang dan tak ada orang lain yang ingat pasal ni lagi da la...

Sekian lama lepas tu, Dear tanya, Elly nak tak kenal dengan kawan dia. Dlm hati aku, ishhh ni mesti nak kenalkan ‘kaki’ kat Elly. Dear kata kawan dia ni baik (ye la tuh!) dan hensem (boleh percaya ke ni?!!) kalau aku tak percaya aku boleh tengok kat friendster mamat ni. Hehe, boleh tahan chomei gak mamat ni. Apa lagi, sepantas kilat aku add mamat ni kat friendster aku... (ehhh... ni untuk Elly ke buat aku cuci mata... silap plak...)

Dear pon dengan sesuka hati membuat majlis suai kenal Elly dgn Zafuan. Yang best, masa awal-awal tu aku terlupa pulak yang suai kenal tu untuk Elly. Aku pulak yang terasa nak ayat mamat tuh. Nasib baik ada Dear kat sebelah, kalau dia tau, habislah aku kena belasah! yang best Dear duduk sebelah aku sepanjang suai kenal tu, aku pulak yang seronok cuci mata, kena berterima kasih kat Dear sebab bagi aku cuci mata! Eh... silap lagi, sepatutnya blog entry ni pasal Elly... Ishhh, aku ni....

Sebenarnya, aku penat nak taip blog entry yang ni. Banyak kali aku terpaksa delete apa yang aku da keyed in sebab asyik nak tercerita betapa chomeinya Zafuan tu, sepatutnya aku tulis pasal majlis suai kenal Elly dan Zafuan ni. Tapi aku tak ada melampau sangat sampai aku lupa aku ada Dear, sesekali nakal tak apa kan... anyway, aku wish Elly all the best luck in the world, macam Mawi nye ‘World!’. Seronok gak kalau kau berjaya tackle Zafuan, sejuk mata kau memandangnya! Hehehe... tapi jangan marah plak aku cuci mata sampai sejuk mata aku... heheh!

Apa tengok-tengok... tengok Zafuan kah? hahah!

*'kaki' - dibaca kaki romen

** this blog entry serves as hint of satire only. Adala sikit-sikit berkenaan dengan yang hidup **

-----------------------------------------------------
haha... seronok gak sakat Elly... sebenarnya tak nak sakat dia. tapi aku tak boleh nak cover rasa gumbira di dalam hati.

yang sebenar-benarnya, aku tak tau pasal apa, aku rasa Elly dgn Zafuan ada chemistry. Tak tau kenapa aku cakap macam tu... ni yang malas ni kalau aku da start ada 'RASA-RASA' ni. inyaAllah, ada rezeki untuk Elly. Aku da lama tak mendoakan kebahagian untuk kawan-kawan, setelah banyak kali ditikam dr belakang dgn kawan-kawan. huhu...

I hate children

2007-02-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

No, not mine but for the kids who came for the casting. I have to admit I hate casting. I hate it more when I have to deal with children. I’m no good with kids. But I have to deal with those kids who have never had experience working in front of camera. The worse thing is to work over Sunday just to cast 2 kids. WTF!

Some of the kids are good; they’re outspoken, easy to remember their lines and good intonation. But most of them will be getting too nervous in front of camera and they became very tense and monotonous in delivering lines. I have to keep motivating them over and over and OVER and OVER and OVER again as they have to repeat the same thing many times. The least thing I’d be expecting from the kids is they throw in tantrum. I’ll go crazy then, luckily, they behaved or maybe they afraid of Bear or US or too afraid to make mistakes, or else they’ll be beaten up by the parents (hey, it might happen, OK!). I don’t think I’ll have that kind of patience dealing with kids and normally I’ll ignore them. For the casting, I don’t have the choice! Arrgh… WTF!

My sis came over for the casting with two hopefuls, Hakim and Yaya. I don’t want to think whether they have the chances to host, but maybe this is a step to improve their speech or whatever… if they made it, I can’t imagine handling those 2 kids. They are very, I mean VEERYYYY uncontrollable. *sigh* so much for the unnecessary stress. WTF!

At the end of the day, it’s not the kids I’m thinking about, it’s the parents. Whenever the children can’t make it, I can sense despair in the parents tones and it’s sugar-coated with laughs. They are hoping to make the kids live up to the parents’ dreams. Ohh… WTF!

Izuan is unreachable, Irwan can't make it and we cancelled our outing. Mmm… WTF!

high risk investment

2007-01-24T18:10:00.000+08:00

I think it started off last year when after 20 odd years of trying to understand how to leveraging my money, I came to a conclusion: There’s no way I can get rich without parting with my money. I remember a book titled “How to become a millionaire in 7 years” that I’ve read back in NZ. I have follow through all the steps but still, the money is not growing… apalah masalahnya dengan duit tak berkembang nih… yes, I’ve tried ASB but the progress is very, I mean veeeeeeeery slow. I don’t know how long it would take to make me a millionaire in 7 years.

I was scouting around for the most lucrative mutual fund when Ezuin approached me for CIMB’s. I was sceptical for the monthly return as it was not the most aggressive programme, a mild one for a novice investor like me. But, when I looked at the statement, it’s not that bad. The programme is good and I auto debited 10% of my monthly salary so it’d grow.

Whilst am happy with the mutual fund outcome, but am also bit greedy. I’ve been calculating the liabilities and assets that I have and I’m very much in debts! The mutual fund, ASB & savings can’t cover for my study loan, housing loan & personal loan & etc. Don’t be surprise that people who are about my age are very much burden with debts for their whole life. Luckily I didn’t apply for PTPTN… kalau tak lagi teruk hutang aku!

This is when my sister and bro-in-law start talking about Swiss Cash. Initially, I was sceptical. How on earth an investment that could give you a 300% return. It’s RADICULOUS. Well, after countless sleepless nights, researching over the net for the responses of other investors, I think I’ll give it a try. Actually, the hardest thing is not about making the decision BUT to be parted with MY MONEY… * sob sob sob * and knowing that it is some what HYIP and might be scammed. I’m a very cautious person when it comes to money, but for this one, I have calculated my risks. It’s fun to see the investments grow.

Just my 2 cent -->

"If you work for money, you give the power to your employer. If your money works for you, you keep and control the power."

AND --> SPEND WISE!

2007 luck as in chinese astrology

2007-01-17T12:12:00.000+08:00

never really believe in this thing but for the fun of it... googling around for my sign - the monkey, after having fun reading Elly's and mine future projection thru the signs.

Monkey: General situation

This year could not be dull if you indulge in work with energy and decisiveness. Tell yourself that the time of muddling through is now definitely over. The planetary ambience will be favorable to well-thought action, and you should certainly draw benefits from the ardor that you'll show in accomplishing your tasks. Strictly follow your work plan, without continually jumping from one thing to another like a kangaroo!

In order to cope best with the difficulties of the year, adopt an attitude in accordance with the position of the star Thanh Long. This star will find himself this year in the sectors related to culture and thought. This will help you to grasp the sense of what you live, to understand thoroughly why you meet with a small failure from time to time and therefore to make a new start on a good basis.

Monkey: Career
First trimester - Boosted by the square between the stars Tu Vi and Thien Dong, a rather rare and very favorable configuration, you'll be very much motivated to succeed in your career. You will not only try to obtain the recognition that you wish or to have more responsibilities or autonomy, you'll also strive to establish good relationships with your professional entourage and to make your everyday life at work as agreeable and fruitful as possible. Thanks to the support of the stars, you'll reach your goals easily.

Second trimester - Everyday life within the framework of your job will be easy and carefree. This relaxed ambience will enable you to think about future projects and precisely define your new professional goals. Indeed, a number of you will have the desire to carry out a more independent or more creative activity. Even though you're for the moment compelled to do a job which you deem too restricting or too routine, don't become disheartened; learn a new discipline, make contacts, make inquiries: Thus you could soon embark on a new career.

Third trimester - Your professional prospects are not bad, but success will not befall you as a matter of course. Numerous planets are presently in the career sector of your natal chart. Some of these planets are beneficent: This is particularly the case with Thai Duong and Tu Vi. But others planets will prove rather troublesome, such as Vu Khuc, who may provoke delays. But don't lose heart: The events will turn in your favor.

Fourth trimester - The strong current of chance which has been supporting you since some time will still increase these days, helping you to realize your wishes within the framework of your job. It's true your career sectors host no planet, which is an indication of professional stability. And the present very rare aspect of the planet Pha Quan signals an important expansion in your life, particularly in the career field.

Monkey: Finances
First trimester - It's possible you will have an occasion during this period to modify your budgetary balance. For some of you, it's even an important change which will take place. Unforeseen gains are possible. Or on the contrary a decrease of your revenues which, however, will be accompanied by a decrease of your expenses, which will result in a good balance.

Second trimester - No important star will directly influence the pecuniary domain these days. However, this period should be easy and well protected. Indeed, with the support of Tu Vi, the planet of chance and success, you should have no financial problems. Moreover, the planet Dao Hoa in favorable aspect will shelter you from difficulties and will perhaps grant you some small, unexpected incomes.

Third trimester - The star Tang Mon will have a direct impact on your finances; thus you should have no problems on this front. But beware of this aspect of the star Pha Quan: You may make an inadequate decision. If you consider reorganizing your placements or embarking on an investment, it would be better to wait some time.

Fourth trimester - Those of you who have had to struggle with difficult month-ends should be able to begin to balance their accounts these days. Tu Vi, the star of chance and also of good money, will be in a favorable position and will herald a financially easier period for you. But beware; this should not be a reason to forgo all caution. It's not by indulging in useless expenses that you can set up conditions favorable to a long-term heightening of your level of living.

dead cats and losing a cactus

2006-11-29T13:57:00.000+08:00

last 2 weeks, i happily sent my cats to vet for grooming. thought that i've neglected them by not having the time to do it myself. the last cat i sent was Si Tam. Si Tam had to stay at the vet for 3 days. when he came back, he was all fine and OK. but few days after, after a laud meow, he's gone. followed by his death, another cat, kongkang, was sick. I took kongkang to vet... he has stop vomiting and now has regain his normal self. BUT, last 2 days, comot, kecik & horlick are dead. the deadly virus is PARVOVIRUS. if the cat can survive the most crucial 1st 5 days, the surviving rate is 80%; if not, i have to 'redha' they are all gone...

my mum, maid and me are traumatised by the lost. we will be terrified if the cats are lying even just to sleep... we cant bear another lost anymore... i hope the rest of the 3 cats will survive, insyaAllah...

In remembrance... Si Tam, Kecik, Comot & Horlick...

Si Tam - the 1st cat who's died of PARVOVIRUS

Kecik - no more naughty Kecik

Comot - no more the composed comot

Horlick - the manja Horlick is gone

last weekend, i also realised that 1 of my favourite cactus has been stolen... oh, what a week!

i think for the past 3 years of caring for cats and cactus, this particular week was the hardest and heart-breaking... losing something which i loved most is unbearable.

Dust is my Bed

2006-10-20T16:41:00.000+08:00

Dust is my bed, embraces me and it's my cover now
The sand surrounds me even behind my back
And the grave tells a dankness of my affliction
And the grave became my ground and sky
This is my end and this is my bed

Fear fills my estrangement and sadness is my illness
I expect firmness and I swear it's my cure
And for Allah I pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it
And for Allah I pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it.

And the brightness draws a line...............
Where is my family's love? They sold my loyalty!
And where is my group of friends? They left my brotherhood!
Where is the bliss of money? It's behind my back now
And my name (reputation) where is it shine between praises
This is my end and this is my bed
And love farewells its longing and my elegizing cried
And the tears went dry after crying
And the universe became narrow and so is my space

MELAYU karya USMAN AWANG

2006-09-16T19:52:00.000+08:00

Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan.
Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar,
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut,
Biar mati adat Jangan mati anak.

Melayu di tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya:
Jawa itu Melayu, Bugis itu Melayu
Banjar juga disebut Melayu,
Minangkabau memang Melayu,
Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu,
Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu,
Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu
Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu
Malah mua'alaf bertakrif Melayu

Dalam sejarahnya Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan
Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan

Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara

Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal
tanah sebidang mudah terjual

Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba.
Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi
Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri.

Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak.

Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan

Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturrahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut
Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut

Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selagi yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:
"Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran"

Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu
Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu?
Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;
Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;
Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan

Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka

p/s: i really like this...

Responsibilities and how you take on it…

2006-09-16T19:28:00.000+08:00

It not easy these days… The younger generation is yearning for more money but not willing to take charge. Maybe am just biased, as you may say, the percentage whom I met and work with doesn’t reflect most of them… but somehow, this is what happens…

I was on sick leave. The fever just won’t get away and I was in bed most of the time. Came to office 1 day and for the next 2 or 3 days, can’t even lift my head nor even hands. My condition was very bad and suspected dengue for second time (luckily it was not!). The haze was bad in Klang and the construction works right in front of my place is making the fever + cough + flu worsen.

Office is not priority and outstation shooting is a no-no. Elly can’t help out with JM and WFB. She’s in-charge of another production and she’s living a nocturnal life as she has to go through editing at Cinequip from 6pm to 3am (exaggerated but 80% true!). I tried to persuade Hamid that Jumie and Liza CAN do production accordingly. I think this is high time for Jumie to take charge and show to boss that she can actually manages production and who knows from then boss will increase her salary (if, of course… I heard rumour that she told Reena if boss don’t give her high salary, she won’t want to work anymore! But I don’t think she deserve much as she can’t do much and can’t work under pressure)… and giving her more managerial tasks to handle with. I think its right time for her to becoming next producer.

To my dismay, my moves were misinterpreted. For both Jumie and Liza, seems like I ‘lepas tangan’. Not wanting to help and leaving everything for both of them to solve.

I’m not sure whether giving them the wrong direction or it just me that don’t know how to manage people. I think Jumie has learnt enough to know exactly how production runs; she has been working with us for more than a year! Or is it something in her head that she can’t see what I’m trying to do…

What the heck! Just ignore them... maybe this is the advice that you’d give me. On the other hand, they are actually being evaluated by boss. Boss will ask ME whether they are ‘WORTHY’ to work with us. If I lied, my ‘sakit jantung’ of their perangai will hurt more… If I tell boss the truth, it’ll somehow jeopardise their career. So tell me what to do… type YES for agreeing to lie and risking me to suffer more heart attack, OR type NO for telling boss the truth and don’t give a damn about them… send your answer by filling in the comment column. the answer is in you hand. thank you for your cooperation.

I’ve met many who are young (I’m not that old, but maybe I learned the hard way), but most of them acting the same way as Jumie… want more money but less work… thought they are trendy + pretty looking but empty headed @ stupid. Or… maybe I’m just biased. Or… maybe I’m the unlucky one to meet those 10% young people with stupidity in their head.

p/s: aku da berhenti berharap…

I know what I’ve done today

2006-08-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

Frankly, I would love not to come to work today. Not in the mood. I took my own sweet time to get ready… I wish I could retain last year energy, when I was working on Dapat Auto, it was so much fun!

I picked Elly up from her place and straight head to office. Hamid, Bear, Amsyar and Jumie was out for recce, only both of us left. Have to work on quotation for Kekkwa but I have to meet the person-in-charge before I could come out with final quote. Called Canang but they never return my call. Office was boring and Pakcik was conducting interview with some potential employees (pity those unlucky guys…). I YM Elly and said, why don’t we go out and have some FUN before Pakcik asked us to do costing or whatever.

Later, we were heading to Jalan San Ping to do window shopping (window shopping…tipu je tuh, mmg nak shopping!). I wish I could find some plain long sleeve t-shirt… tapi mak datuk! If you reached there, you really don’t know where to start with as there are rows of shop that sell clothes. We were so happy and thought we would get bundles of cheap clothes… we went to the 1st shop that we saw, which was located on the 1st floor. We were so crazy about the whole thing… imagine 1 piece of t-shirt only cost us rm10 or less (ya… ya… I know we can get the same price at F.O.S, here is totally more variety than that! ). we went round and round and round…… but sooner our happiness fades, most of the shops sell clothes in bundle, which means you have to buy either 6 or 12 pieces at a time… though we managed to find a shop that sells loose items, but it is without much choice. So we bought pair of trouser each… and that’s all… it was so FRUSTRATING! Later, we decided to browse at Nichii… which Elly bought 2 jackets! Arrghhhh…! I couldn’t find any for myself…

The down side of the whole thing… I terseliuh when we were at Jln San Ping… it took me 2 days before I can walk properly… the BEST thing is, we PONTENG from work for half day! It was so FUN! (but not really because i thot i cud get dozens of long sleeve t-shirts, tapi tgk2 Elly yang shopping sakan. siot betul!)

last date with old flame

2006-08-08T20:02:00.000+08:00

I met Farhan the other day. He’s going to get married by end of the week. Spending his last few days as a bachelor with me… haha!

Remember when 1st met him. It was in 2000. I was a new asst. editor and he’s an animator. We have nothing in common actually. He used to hang around with Waknin and I was with Leenda and Aqil most of the time. I can’t really remember how did it happened… all I could remember is, 1 fine day… he asked me out. I think it started from there…

We were even closer when our office moved to PJ (but is closer to Aqil… till now!)… I started to like him and sending signals, there would be once or twice that he seems to respond to the signals but never make any move and later never responded to any. I thought, might be bertepuk sebelah tangan. And, don’t want to jatuhkan air muka, think it’s better for us to be good friend instead. I still like him until the day before I left for Auckland. I asked my parents to send a pair of rabbits for him. Got to know, he sembelih the rabbits! What a guy!

Things changed when I came back. Was busy with work and couldn’t find the time to hang out with friends anymore and partly due to me staying with my parents. So once in the blue moon, I’ll lepak-lepak. Actually, it’s getting tougher to lepak with friends when having bf. Too many restrictions I think.

When we met, Farhan said… “nape la ko tak bagitau kat aku yang ko dlu suka kat aku… aku ingat ko tak suka orang cam aku… “
I said, “ko gila ke… takkan ko nak aku gedik2 kat ko…”.
“rupa2nya masa ko bagi aku rabit tu, ko mmg suka kat aku la…”.
“Haaaa… aku siap bagi ko peluang utk berkenal2 dgn parents aku tu… Siap parents aku menghantar rabit kat umah ko… tapi ko gi makan rabit tu… sampai hati……..”

It was fun… talking about the good old days… and joking about our foolishness… and the ‘IF’ we were to be a couple… and everything… lastly to wish him all the goodness in this world for finally making it. It’s a good thing that he’s finally found his love and its better that way than marrying someone like me…

Life has so many paths… maybe I took too many that was less travelled. I believe I’ve learnt… insya-Allah…

Love, Lust, Needs and Money...

2006-08-07T18:57:00.000+08:00

I hate to go out on Sunday but i have to due to our appointment with Paddington Pancake ppl. Wasn’t quite happy actually and my brain was lagging... Not in the mood and kind of weary... We had long shoot on both Friday and Sat. So i thought staying home would be a better option for me... *sigh* for the sake of work...

Elly told me that Min wanted to follow... so I picked them up at Uptown and drove us to The Curve. Curve was packed with people, plus there was this flee market... it was so hot and I felt bit dizzy. Elly was in ecstasy to see so many booths selling earrings but the 3 of us weren’t left with much money to spend then we headed up to Paddidngton Pancakes and met with one of its partner, Elvina.

After we discussed few details about WFB, we decided to try some of the savoury. I don’t really remember how who started it, It’s about love, marriage and life. Min’s in a relationship but wouldn’t commit, Elly was engaged before but call it quit and now in a ‘so-called relationship’, whilst I’m engaged and not wanting to get married…

Min told me that her aunt said she’ll be happier when she gets married but she thinks the other way round. Most of the ppl that I’ve asked about marriage told me it’s not easy and it’s tougher than you think. It’s not all year honeymoon. There’ll be ups and downs. If you asked me why I want to get engaged… Frankly, I don’t know… maybe I’m confused between love and lust but I’m torn between my own needs and not wanting to share EVERYTHING (e.g MONEY) with my future hubby. I always think guys are better at earning money… but looking back, it was my mum who’s better at business. My dad spent most of his money and my mum’s at some unreasonable investment.

Looking at the ring on my finger… should I forgo or should I proceed? Now that the romance has gone…only bleak money matters arising… *sigh* where’s our faith?

not wanting to go to work

2006-05-23T19:03:00.000+08:00

i think i am having post depression after the event ends. i dont feel like going to work. dont care what my other collegues do. dont want to have anything to do with my boss. cant wake up in the morning (woke up early, but lay on my bed for 2 hours). according to my another boss who has moved to yaman, if you are experiencing those sysptoms, it is a calling for you to call it a quit for everything that you do. maybe not everything but some of the things that are not so motivating. things go so slow that am losing my patience...

what should i let go now? my job, my love life or simply the place where am staying right now. the urge for me to move to other place in this world is stronger. i cant bear to be here all of my life. i want to be somewhere else where i can be myself, do what i want to do and nobody can say no to me...

but still, when the new day comes, am lying at my bed wondering why should i be doing all this... should i put a stop to everything?

it's finally over... but is it over yet?

2006-05-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

i looked very 'poyo-poyoan' beside the carriage rite? nothing can stop me from being so happy for the World Cup is finally over. No words can best describe the joy after all the hardword, gruesome experience and heartache.

For Peter, thank you for being a joker and somebody who's so heartless and sinister all at one time. You are one of the most indesicive leader i've ever met. If you were to apply for Donald Trump's Apprentice, you might have the chance to get in but you'll be the 1st to be fired for you are no diff in comparison to Marcus. But apart from that, thank you for complimenting that i have a nice smile and your effort to make me smile whenever possible even after fight, but i really hate it.

For Kak Wan, thank you for not being the same as Peter. I believe it's not easy to be famous and you think if the glam can shoothen your paths, you're totally wrong. You have problem with budget slashing, you don't even know how to prioritise. One more important thing that you have to learn is, not all 'fuyo-fuyo' stuff cost less. i believe you understand what i meant.

For my boss................................................. thank you for your inconsiderate, forgetfulness and cakap tak serupa bikin, so it got us into chaotic and kelam kabut state.

For Jackie... it's not over as long as you didnt pay us the money!!!

risik

2006-02-17T18:18:00.000+08:00

family boy friend aku masuk merisik...... cuaks giler!

tom the cat

2006-02-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

Tom the cat is anak Salem (atau Salimah sbb ia seekor kucing betina).Salem merupakan seekor kucing opportunis yang sering datang ke ofis bila lapas, mengawan, beranak dan besarkan anak-anaknya kerana di ofis kami terdapat ramai umat-umat yang menyayangi kucing.

Tom pula merupakan anak Salem yang berjaya membesar dengan sihat kerana 2 ekor adik beradiknya yang lain tidak dapat meneruskan survival dalam dunia yang serba mencabar ini. Namun setelah kelahiran 4 ekor adik-adiknya baru-baru ini... Tom terasa seolah-olah dia ditinggalkan oleh Salem. Salem tidak lagi memanjakannya seperti selalu. Lalu Tom terpaksa menumpang kasih sambil menjaga keempat-empat ekor adik-adiknya demi mendapat kasih sayang seperti adanya dahulu.

Dalam dunia yang penuh cabaran ini... dapatkah Tom menyesuaikan diri dan mendapatkan kasih sayang dari ibunya? Hanya Tom saja yang tau...

it's up!

2006-01-16T17:53:00.000+08:00

seeing is believing.

for those of you yang tak pernah nampak billbord NPC... i can prove that you are wrong. it is located near Asia Jaya LRT station. so if you think NPC never done anything to promote (which is sooooo true, never really promote the services) their service and to educate the public, you are absolutely wrong.

And, if you have been working in NPC for so long (or you think you have been working 'that' long) and don't know how old NPC is... this is the time to remember! glad that the promotion of NPC 'finally' kick of!

orange poppy seed muffin

2006-01-16T17:42:00.000+08:00

few months ago (or last year.. heheh) some assemblymen were fretting about mamak stalls add in kas-kas (poppy seed) in food they serve. i think not just mamak stalls kot yg bagi org makan kas-kas...

one morning i went to starbuck at Jaya Supermarket, Sec 14. after i ordered my hot mocha, i think i need something to munch so i came across this orange poppy seed muffin. why nobody says anything about kas-kas being sold at the starbuck outlets? maybe starbuck sounds more classy than mamak stalls i believe.

kas-kas has been part of the ingredients dari dulu sampai sekarang. nobody i know is addicted to kas-kas (kalau 'ice' tu ada la). so why fret?

hujan & rumahku air naik

2006-01-07T11:01:00.000+08:00

ada kebarangkalian besar bos tak masuk hari ni. semalam dia kecewa lagi. setelah sekian kali kecewa, kecewa, kecewa dan kecewa... maka semalan dia kecewa lagi. secara jujur, aku pon da tak tau nak buat apa. apa2 pon life has to go on gak kan...

so sementara bos tak masuk ofis ari ni, aku nak tulis blog. sekarang ni musim hujan. kalau pagi tak hujan, petang hujan, kalau petang tak hujan, malam plak hujan, paling best sepanjang hari hujan. rumah aku berkedudukan rendah dari main road, jadi bayangkanlah bila hujan turun, air mencurah2 turun ke kawasan rumah. tambah pula, tanah kat area rumah aku tu tak menyerap air, jenis terlebih alkali... maka air pon senang berkumpul.

ada satu hari, hujan lebat dari semalam sampai ke pagi ni baru nak berhenti. bila aku jenguk luar rumah... whoaaaa... air da naik keliling rumah aku. rumah aku cam pulau batu yang dikelilingi pokok orkid & cactus (hahaah)!!

inila keadaan luar rumah aku lepas hujan reda & matahari dah mengintai skit dari celah2 awan. nampak cam bendang kan kan kan..! tapi kesian kat mak aku... pokok bunga muraya, kayu manis dia mati...

the flower of my cactus

2006-01-07T10:29:00.000+08:00

aku mmg suka cactus. tak tau kenapa... dalam banyak2 pokok yang ada dalam malaysia ni, aku tetap minat cactus. nak kata cactus tu cantik, tak jugak. nak tunggu dia berbunga, tak tau la bila. tapi aritu, out of the blue, cactus aku berbunga! happy sgt2!! tak pernah sangka yang dia akan berbunga juga akhirnya!!

truly malaysian?!

2005-12-20T15:15:00.000+08:00

i went for a meeting with our WCF 06 organiser. i hate the committee meeting. it is always dragging and sometimes there would be no conclusion at all... (so after i'v been trying to look for landscaper to do the man-made waterfall... now the whole idea has gone down the drain and the new concept would be more 'zen' and of attributing symbolistic meanings, which means i have to look for somebody else to do the set design again...........)

after the meeting, we had light refreshment served at the patio of the office. i was starving and took slices of cakes, cucur udang... and started to eat. my boss was talking to wan zaleha pertaining our new project, mosques in malaysia. she seems interested in the matter and suggested few foundations for us to work with and to ask for sponsorship. i took a mug full of tea and sipped it. woow!! it's too hot... wait till it cold a bit i think. then my boss said he ought to make a move... 'oh oo! i havent finish my tea yet...arghhh, never mind... leave it there', my mind said. wan zaleha saw my mug of tea,'eh... why r u not finishing it?
'it's too hot...' i said.
'pour it into the paper cup so that u can bring it back' she said and leave us.
'mmm....' ok. i poured the tea into the paper cup and hand carried it. my collegue happened to see me did it and said,'why do u bring it back? you are truly malaysian......'
what! arent you malaysian too? 'oh, u r sooo mat salleh!' i replied.
'did i say am a mat salleh?' he tried to defend himself.
'arent you a malaysian too? wan zaleha asked me to. not that i really want to bring it back.'
'then, she is a supporter of truly malaysian...' he unconvincingly replied.

which one is the most viable? not to be a truly malaysian and waste that mug of tea OR be a truly malaysian and bring it back....

p/s: by the way, pembaziran tu kan perbuatan syaitan...

absent minded

2005-12-19T18:24:00.000+08:00

i think this is funny...

i woke up in the morning and feeling demotivated. i dont want to go to work and i dont feel like seeing anybody at all. i just want to spend the day with myself and dont want to do anything. but heck!! i have tonnes of jobs to be done which i have accumulated till today and still dont feel like finishing it at all. i forced myself to take shower and get dressed.

i felt my beg was unusually lighter than normal. i felt something is amiss... i cared less and still making my way to work (dont want to be late la kononnya... but kuar umah da pukul 9!). normally i left some cash in my car (which will make my car a good spot for thief), but i only found rm1.60. i think i still have some change in my purse... so i turn on the ignition and vroom vroom!!

i past the first toll which i paid 40 cent, then i past the second toll which i paid a ringgit, then the third toll... i took my bag and try to locate my purse. it wasnt there!!!! oh my god... i only have 20 cent and the toll fare is rm1.10!! i was panicked...

when i reached the toll, i furiously looking inside my bag... then looked at the kakak at the toll, i put my bag aside and said, 'kakak... i left my purse at home and i only have 20 cent in my car... can i pay u 20 cent?' i think the kakak never experience somebody who has never had any money to pay the toll... then she asked, 'dont u have some cash in ur car....?' she looked worried. 'I really dont have any money la kakak... i only have 20 cent...'
'Wait a minute aa....' the kakak paged for somebody.... 'Eh, this girl dont have money with her... what to do?'
'What? Which car...?'
'This kelisa...'
the sound of a truck's engine from the other row roared. i cant hear anything what the kakak and the person she paged said... suddenly she turned at me and said, 'it's ok la adik... u can go, but please pay when u r on your way back... dont forget to pay later tau...'
'ok kakak... thanks alot...' vroom vroom my car went, but the traffic light at my row never turn green, i drove passed it and the siren automatically screaming so loud... i stepped on the accelerator pedal harder... VROOM VROOM!! ye la... or else people would know am the one who has not paid yet... malu giler... but i laughed my heart out all the way to office.

am the first one to reached office. i have to stop and park my car, took the newspaper at the gate, went in thru the side door, unlocked the grille and key in my password to disarm the alarm... put the paper on the table and read..............

am not sure how long did i read the newspaper then i realised i left my car parked outside the office. i opened the gate and suhaime's black wira was already waiting behind my car. i went in my car and vroom vroom to park it under the porch. suhaime parked his car at boss's territory (when the boss is away, everybody wants to be the boss!!)

i locked my car and asked suhaime.... 'how long had u been waiting out there behind my car?'
'quite some time....' he replied
'y'know what.... i forgot that i parked my car there...!!'

what a day... now i realise that the dysfunctional of ur love life can effect a lot!

Labi & her 5 new born kittens

2005-12-05T10:39:00.000+08:00

Labi gave birth to 5 beautiful kittens. But mum said we can only keep 1, and sell the rest to the pet shop. sedihnya..... but what to do, nak beli makanan dia sekarang ni pon, da hampir tak mampu da....

if you cant see the kittens, probably there's something wrong with your eyes. Tgk betul-betul!!!

Selamat hari raya & i have new fon

2005-11-18T02:24:00.000+08:00

it's been a while. been idling for a while.. not writing anything in particular. maybe am not the person who easily express what i feel.

we are still in festive mood. so i wud like to take this opportunity to wish everybody who visited my blog... Eid Mubarak & Selamat Hari Raya!! Maaf zahir dan batin.. hahah but after raya we still the same old person who likes to piss other off.. akkaka

so what about this picture? this is my new phone!! i have been eyeing this phone for quite a while. now it's in my hand!! sorry jaja.... it's not that i cant wait. heheh nant kena cerita kat ko cam ne aku dapat fon nih k... hehehhe

wearing baju kurung to work

2005-10-29T09:10:00.000+08:00

i have been working for 10 months now, but never in these 10 months i was ever wearing baju kurung except for today. if u asked me why, i couldnt give u an answer. it just something that i wanna do. salah ke? i know the nature of my work doesnt require me to wear formally but it just for 1 day, apa salahnya kan? yasmin ahmad pakai baju kurung bershooting tgh2 panas, takkan aku tak bleh kot. tapi aku takkan la pakai baju kurung gi shooting. hilang akal apa!!!

lepas dua hari balik rumah pukul 12:30 mlm sbb bertungkus lumus kejar datelines, hari ni aku ngantuk. pagi tadi nak makan sahur terasa terseksa sangat. aku tak boleh nak habiskan nasi yang da mmg sikit tu. lepas tu aku ckp dgn mak... aku terlalu panat sampai makan pon tak larat. lepas sahur... aku cepat2 basuh tangan terus masuk bilik & tidur. what irritates me is the fact that i cant sleep well. i can see images in my mind. aku nampak ofis aku, kucing2 aku yang kelaparan, konsep dokumentari aku yg aku buat tgh mlm buta, boss aku marah aku, aku bengang dgn budak ofis aku, aku nampak mak aku.... bila aku finally bgn tidur... argghhhh penatnya!! rasa nak tidur balik tapi i got meeting at 10am. and i know for sure my boss wont be there.

sampai ofis terkejar-kejar nak siapkan benda2 yang nak disettlekan utk tender. tender tutup pukul 12 tgh hari. pukul 10 masih ada banyak lagi yang tak settle... aku terpaksa tinggalkan semua tu untuk kejar another meeting. hopefully meeting ni ada solution. luckily, after a short discussion, everything is sealed!! senang hidup aku...

aku mmg sleepy. basically otak aku da jam. aku tak boleh nak buat keje aku. so the only thing aku buat hari ini is kemas tmpt baru aku. my boss da byk kali suruh aku pindah duduk kat tmpt ni but aku selalu elak, tapi semalam mmg da tak dapat nak dielakkan lagi la. bila boss aku balik semula ke ofis, aku terpaksa brief dia pasal meeting tadi. then tetiba dia ckp, "lina, i really like what u wrote for the documentary consept. it is really what i had in mind!". i feel fine. at least he appreciates what i've done... phew... berbaloi penat aku...

ketepuan yg hampir ke tahap jitu

2005-10-25T16:07:00.000+08:00

aku tak tau la whether aku overreacting or am just tired. latly ni aku rasa aku tak bleh nak concentrating on my work. not that i dont like my work anymore. i like it still (cant love my job, only love God & family). rasa penat... i need a good break, holiday or something... but mau ke boss aku bagi aku cuti panjang2 nih. tak pasal2 lepas dari balik cuti, terus aku tak boleh masuk ofis lagi. naya gak la....

berikut adalah antara wishlist aku yg aku rasa aku tak sempat nak buat sampai end of year ni kot...

1. holiday kat bali - memandangkan keadaan yg huru hara kat sana, i have to reconsider my plan to go to bali. furthermore, when i mentioned bali to mak the other day, she said she wanted to go with me... alamak!!! boringnya!!

2. diploma in mandarin language - this is quite important. i've been thinking what makes me different frm the rest... the only thing is my language skill. my mandarin is not as good as when i was in high school; it's all due to the fact that i have no friend to converse in mandarin (thanks to my parents, they dont like my chinese friends). if i had the diploma, at least, boleh dipergunakan secukup-cukupnya.

3. am still considering my plan to migrate. i have planned it for years. this is what i really wanted to do in my life. for me, patriotism is nothing. bila aku fikir2 balik, datuk nenek aku merantau dari seberang, datang ke malaysia untuk cari penghidupan yang lagi baik. jadi, aku fikir, kenapa bila da selesa di satu2 negara, kita tak nak menjengah ke tmpt lain untuk mencari penghidupan yang lagi baik dari apa yg kita ada sekarang? sbb kita takut atau kita da terlalu selesa sampai terima sahaja apa yg ada di depan mata...?

disebabkan ketiga-tiba benda yg tertunggak dalam hidup aku sekarang ni la yg aku jadi tepu. aku jadi malas. aku jadi bosan. aku rasa dalam hidup ni da tak de excitement lagi. bila nak bersuka2 skit, ada la yg datang kata tak payah la nak susah2 buat semua ni... duduk sahaja kat umah... kalau kita hidup dalam satu rutin sahaja... tak boring ke?

almari oh almari!!!

2005-10-24T15:50:00.000+08:00

i've been on the quest - looking for a nice wardrobe for my room. tapi tak tau la pasal apa... da dekat 3 bulan mencari almari yg sesuai tapi tak jumpa jugak. sedihnya... tambahan raya da nak dekat.

semalam pergi maxima subang parade. tgk dr dalam iklan dia kat suratkhabar, ada discount sampai 45%. jadi, bawa mak gi sana sekali. mmg tak dapat nak dinafikan yang almari dia nampak cantik and style, tapi utk almari yg panjangnya cuma 6 kaki, harganya ialah RM2877. kalau nak tambah cermin kena bayar another RM400. masa kat kedai tu, aku cam berkenan kat almari tu tapi aku tak berkenan kat harga dia. bayangkan la RM2877 tu hanya untuk almari sahaja!! so dengan bersopannya aku ckp kat sales consultant dia, nanti aku akan drop by balik utk discuss further.

pagi ni lepas aku sahur, mak aku dtg kat aku... dia kata mlm tadi dia buat sembahyang ishtikharah (aku ingat dia sembahyang ishtikharah nak tau sama ada bf aku boleh dibuat menantu ke tak... tapi rupanya...), dia kata almari tu mahal sangat. baik aku jgn beli almari tu dulu... aku terdiam. sbb aku da decide tak membeli almari tu. cuma sekarang masalahnya... bilik aku tu da mmg cam tongkang pecah tahap ke sepuluh!!

lalalallallalalallala.....

2005-10-20T10:24:00.000+08:00

what i need rite now is a good sleep...

selamat berpuasa!!!

2005-10-06T11:38:00.000+08:00

selalunya org tak tinggal puasa... but jarang org kisah sembahyang. sesungguhnya apalah puasa tanpa sembahyang. hanya lapar sahaja yg kita dapat....

should i probe into his other life?

2005-09-29T12:36:00.000+08:00

remember the half naked pics in my bf's email i told u the other day? ok... i got her email address and yesterday i added her to be in 1 of my friends list in msn.

i chatted with her today. she sounds like a nice person to me. basically she's a tutor in akl uni. she has to mark students work and stuff like that. she's looking for a proper job to work on, mayb what she meant is high paying job i guess. she is a half germany half bosnian. has been living in new zealand for almost 9 years (my bf stayed in nz for almost 8 years). She used to live in Lorne Street.

I've been thinking hard. I cant see how this girl can bring any harm to me and my bf. but i still want to know why she sent those half naked pics for my bf and he never delete it from his email. i cant ask her directly or she'll tell my bf... arrrghhhhh!! what am i gonna do???

tido di atas tilam baru... yey!!

2005-09-28T12:15:00.000+08:00

aku beli katil tapi tak beli tilam. so dekat 2 bulan gak katil tu tak bertilam... tgh2 mencari tilam teringat yg bos aku nak jual 1 tilam spare dia... tilam tu baru lagi, balut pon tak bukak lagi. aku ckp kat dia aku nak beli la tilam tu. boss ok... tapi masalah lain ialah aku tak ada lori utk bawak balik tilam tu... unless kalau nak menggunakan lori ofis. sekarang ni lori selalu keluar outstation. sementara nak tunggu lori free, terpaksa aku tido tanpa tilam @ tido kat bilik abg2 aku yg kosong tuh.

so semalam aku dapat book lori ofis aku... yey!! dapat membawa balik tilam.... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm kenikmatan yg tak terhingga tido di bilik sendiri bertilamkan tilam dreamland chiro 2000 baru.. yey!!

preparation utk RAYA!!

2005-09-26T16:08:00.000+08:00

Ramadah da nak menjelang tiba.... aku tengok bilik aku masih macam kapal tongkang pecah seribu lepas tu tak penah nak bersihkan langsung. tapi bila aku buat kira2...

langsir
tikar getah
tilam
almari
chest drawer
etc... (coz the list will go on & on & on...)

perghhh... dekat 2000 lebih aku kena spent utk bilik aku... mmmphh.. raya oh raya!!

paving the way to heaven

2005-09-16T14:02:00.000+08:00

lately aku teringat zaman2 sebelum aku gi auckland. zaman2 gelap di mana aku tercari2 cahaya. cahaya yang terlalu sayup & berbalam2. pada org lain, pastinya aku gila...

now, after 3 years... selepas aku buang semua memori lepas. aku fikir balik... kalau Tuhan tak sayang aku mesti aku hanyut. kalau Tuhan tak sayang aku, aku tak tau apa yang akan terjadi sekarang. kalau Tuhan tak sayang aku, aku mesti masih lagi menangis pada malam2 hari... masih lagi tercari2 cahaya... Tuhan masih sayang aku, tapi adakah aku cukup kuat untuk terus mengejar cita2 aku?

mak cakap cuma orang mati yang tak ada cita2...

tapi aku masih lagi di sini...

time off?

2005-09-12T14:33:00.000+08:00

dear... dear... we had a fight again yesterday. tapi yang ni lagi teruk. 1st time dengar dia menjerit dalam telefon...

latly, am demotivated. tak tau nak buat apa... datang keje rasa empty. malas nak balik umah. rasa hidup ni dah tak de excitement lagi. rasa nak give up. hilangkan diri. pergi merantau tmpt lain & takkan kembali lagi... tapi i love him so much that i'd just stay...

tak tau apa lagi yg nak dicari kat sini...

3 september 2005

2005-09-04T13:58:00.000+08:00

my birthday.

tapi aku tak berapa sihat sangat. smlm aku migraine mungkin sbb cuaca terik sgt. bangun pagi ni, kepala berdenyut2 and i got flu. 1st thing yg aku buat, call liza bgtau aku tak gi keje... rasa funny sbb biasanya org cuti masa birthday diorang but aku mmg sakit on the day itself =p

tak ramai yg ingat birthday aku. but most of my close friends did send sms to wish me. antaranya niza... da lama tak dgr cerita pasal niza. mungkin sbb aku rasa scary bila bercakap dgn die. aku takut bila die tanya pasal zaheer!!

mak aku terlupa aku nye birthday... so pagi tadi masa kitorang gi rumah kakak aku, aku bgtau la kat die...

lyntheinnocence:
mak... ari ni birthday lyn...

mak:
eh... ye ke? mak terlupa la... nak bagi apa eh... bagi cium boleh?

lyntheinnocence:
boleh je... mmmph.. da 25... rasa tua da...

mak:
25 dah? bila nak kawin?!

lyntheinnocence:
lorr... mak tak pernah tanya bila org nak kawin tetiba tahun ni pulak tanya bila nak kawin...! ( =p )

berat nak jawab soalan bila nak kahwin ni... bf aku pon tak pandai nak menjawab soalan ni!

half naked pics in bf's email

2005-09-01T17:34:00.000+08:00

tadi bf aku minta tolong aku bukakkan email die. die terlupa nak amik no. fon supplier dalam email.

lepas aku da dapatkan no. fon tu, aku godeh la email die. die ckp dgn aku jgn sekali-kali check email die, die ckp kalau aku check gak "berdosa". memandangkan aku belum kawin lagi dgn die... mana ada berdosanya langgar perintah! kalau wife lain cerita la

aku check sape yg hantar email kat die. dlm list yg panjang tu aku realised ada satu nama ni hantar 3 emails with huge attachment with no title. aku pelik gak... pastu aku buka la email tuh. dalam tu ada gambar pompuan posing maut! tak nak la describe gambar macam mana kan... tapi aku fikir2 bf aku ni setia ke rambang mata...

nak kata kawan die hantar gambar tu kat die... (ye la... lelaki kan suka bertukar2 gambar x-rated) macam bukan...

Arrghhh!! malas la nak fikir... abaikan sahaja... lama2 kita akan tau juga!

welcome to cyberbang!!

2005-08-30T01:43:00.000+08:00

sejujurnya aku da keje dekat 7 bulan tanpa EPF & SOCSO. masa boss aku offer aku keje kat sini dlu pon contract staff je. kira aku dgn contract staff di construction site tu tak de perbezaannya. cuma mungkin aku tinggal dgn family jadi tak terasa la kemiskinan yang melanda.

sabtu lepas... waktu2 kritikal utk gaji... boss panggil.

"lina, saya masukkan awak permanent staff ok?"

"mmm... boleh gak kot"

"awak tak nak tanya ke benefit apa yang awak dapat...?" boss gelak2

"ok, apa benefit yang u offer"

"macam biasa la... EPF, SOCSO, medical, zakat.. nanti awak dapat pahala sepanjang hayat.."

"okla... am in" aku ok je..

"welcome to cyberbang, lina" boss gelak2 lagi...

so the next day aku check gaji... ada la kurang 2++ dari yg aku dapat selalu... aku fikir fikir balik, ok la at least aku ada EPF (pujuk diri sendiri), semua ni ada hikmah disebaliknya... hahha (tak abih2 pujuk diri sendiri..)

doctor visit

2005-07-22T10:00:00.000+08:00

follow up check up after been discharged frm hospital...

doktor: u da ok skit? aritu u kena gastrick.. but u buat tak kisah for almost few months

lyn: am fine... cuma 2 ari lepas balik dari hospital ada muntah lagi... loya2 tu pon kadang2 ade lagi...

doktor: (look bit puzzled) when is your last period?

lyn: now... (dlm hati... takkan ingat aku pregnant kot.. aku lom kawin lagi la...!!)

when somebody has to go but they are much needed 2

2005-07-10T07:00:00.000+08:00

*sigh*

the topic is revisited. nor that i have nothing to write, but hati ni berat sgt untuk melepaskan...

my editor is 1 of the best that i ever met so far. he knows what to edit and need minimum supervision. basically, i dont have to tell him which shot and what to take. sometimes i'll go thru the programme with him and tell him which 1 that i really wanted.

last few days, he was caught red handed doing freelance job in the office. the boss was so mad at him. he made a big fuss within the management level exec.

i was told after this season... he has to leave... am a bit broken hearted... coz he's much needed here...

what shall i do? sit and do nothing when 1 after another of my collegues has to leave the company?

am TIRED of this shit!!!

dirompak pada siang hari

2005-06-17T19:32:00.000+08:00

semalam petang. balik dari meeting.

producer called. asked me to buy ciggies. out of blue, i stopped at the nearby petrol kiosk and thought of buying the ciggies for her.

keluar dari kereta. tiba-tiba ade kereta berhenti kat belakang my car. pak and mak arab. pak arab tanya ade duit tukar rm100 tak? kebetulan, tengah cari duit dlm purse. without second thought, i said yes. tunjuk kat die duit rm50, kalau die nak tukar... tiba-tiba dia tanya boleh tak tukar ke rm10 pula... i felt fishy. then i said i dont have that much.

tiba-tiba, pak arab kuar dari kereta dia. die ambil my purse and taken out all my money. dlm my purse ada duit my mum about rm300. rm35 is my money. i tarik my money dari pak arab tu. peliknya dia letak rm10 kat belakang sekali lepas tu rm50 kat depan when i tengah tarik duit dari dia. kemudian dia tarik purse and try to open coin pocket. but i stopped him. then he said it's ok if i dont have any change. then he left.

i felt something wrong. i check my money. duit rm35 ada lagi dalam purse but my mum's rm300 tinggal rm150. tak tau pak arab tu pakai silap mata apa, tapi mmg cepat gila dia sorokkan duit. rasa nak marah... tapi tak tau nak buat macam mana... sbb kalau report polis sure tak jadi apa2... kena ganti duit my mum pulak tuh...

tak kira siang or malam... ttp tak save kat malaysia ni.

2 years anniversary - without money to celebrate

2005-05-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

lama betul tak tulis apa2... not so bz but not good at time management

tomorrow is our 2 years anniversary. we cant celebrate. both of us are broke. he hasnt make any sales on billboard yet, and my salary cant cover my expenses. another bad news, this month salary will be late. am yet to receive 1 of my payment for voice over but it wont help either coz it cant cover my expenses anymore.

it is a very tough time for both of us. we cant see each other as we dont have enough money.

now money has rule our life. a sad sad situation............................

tido lagi penting dari bercinta

2005-04-14T10:14:00.000+08:00

last nite conversation

lyntheinnocence:
hello... hi...

him:
hi... awak kata nak call saya... sekarang da pukul berapa

lyntheinnocence:
ohhh... saya tertido tadi... (tgh mamai)

him:
awak ni da berapa kali asyik macam ni. tido awak tu lagi penting dr ckp dgn saya. ikut suka awak la nak ckp dgn saya ke tidak...

day without feelings

2005-04-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

i hope today im born without feelings.

blank and blurry.

actually i dont even know where to start and where to go. my partner is leaving and i wish that it would never happened. but the letter is out and the date is the sunday.

i feel bad... really bad...

can we RESTART and do it all over?

life yang pelik dan menyakitkan

2005-03-22T19:26:00.000+08:00

life ni pelik... dan memeningkan... penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat penat

takpe la... giving up is not the solution but how to maintain the faith...

funny

2005-03-21T13:02:00.000+08:00

L	Lucky
I	Innocent
N	Naive
A	Astonishing

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

i think this is crazy!!

when somebody has to go but they are much needed

2005-03-09T08:37:00.000+08:00

last saturday, as i was trying to finish my script, the B approached and talked to me. he said he has to drop somebody... obviously, i was shocked. i have the instinct before but i dont want to think about it as if it wont happened, cause i know who has to go...

i feel sad... i tried to talk to him that the person is a good one. been helping me a lot coz i cant do everything all by myself. for me, we are a team. i cant afford to loose a good one. i told him, dropping somebody wont solve the problems. and, the person is a newcomer in this field.

when people first joined this field, it is really hard for them to focus which direction to go and who they can trust. i believe in a year or so, when they have found their way these newcomers will have their very own character and the generation that will move this field. i was one of them before. i trusted persons who cant be trusted at all... i did lots of mistakes and even worse, i gave up and do something else for i tot this field is not for me.

for years, i've been complaining that i never had the chances to work in this field. i blamed everybody but not myself. i was afraid... i afraid that i cant do the best. the perfectionism is killing me each day... i cant forgive myself for the mistakes that i'v done even it was years before. for me, its like yesterday. it haunting my dreams, makes my body ache and my emotion is not stable... i became a monster.

late last year, when the contract with prev co. was not been renewed.. i was thinking hard. should i give myself a chance or give up for the rest of my life. that's when i decided that i need to dive and do the best. dont think of the consequences and never bother with the mistakes. that's where i am today...

i can see the direction that i wish to go... but i know i have limited time to reach it all. i cant predict the future but i'll do the best for today and tomorrows. the thing that i cant be sure for now is, can i sacrifice what i have for love?

for that person, i will try my best not to let you go. i can see the potential in the person. this field is so complicated. everybody is a psycho. like what i have told you before, "in this field everybody is the entertainer, setiap org tu ada perangai yg 'menjelikkan'. see beyond what you can see... if i cant help you, i wish all the best luck in this world. for you are a person that will soar when the time come. God bless you...

dasar PENAGIH!!

2005-02-22T11:29:00.000+08:00

mmm.... aku pon tak tau apa nak jadi dengan dunia ni. aku agak semua penagih perangai cam tuh kot... tapi mungkin tak semua..

maybe am a bit bias. what i have said, it refers to him... not any other people. he has no shame, put the blame on others and never want to listen. so why are we here? why are we here... i think the answer lies in our heart.

the world is always the cruelest place but only the bold and people who truly believes in God that will stay true to him or herself...

please say a lil prayer for us.. for all of us...

the madder with his madness

2005-02-22T05:00:00.000+08:00

why... i can only see the darkness in his eyes... when he talks, it's crap. when he works, it's more like a showing off thingy... he never looks good in any form... i remember 1 day when he was talking, i imagined him as a monkey. but too bad... monkey is much much better than him.

so why all the blame is on us?

i don't know... he has this madness in his head... and he has this madness in his head...